


Compromise

by velocitygrass



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Dark, Episode Related, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-10-02
Updated: 2007-10-02
Packaged: 2017-12-23 09:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/924896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velocitygrass/pseuds/velocitygrass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With every passing night the certainty that <em>this</em> was the nightmare and his dream reality grew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Compromise

**Author's Note:**

> 4x04 Doppelganger tag. While watching the episode, I couldn't shake the feeling that something about it felt off.
> 
> Thank you, lavvyan :)

_He's dead._

John woke with a start. It was 4 am. Like clockwork, he thought, getting up and out, because he knew he wouldn't sleep again that night.

He watched the night crew, quietly bustling about, radiating normalcy and reality. But John saw through it. It just wasn't _quite_ right.

There was something off in the atmosphere. He wished he could attribute it to the loss of Kate, but it was more. It was the overwhelming feeling that none of this was real.

Night after night, he woke up from the same "nightmare". Only with every passing night the certainty that _this_ was the nightmare and his dream reality grew.

He didn't talk with anyone about it.

Instead he watched. He watched Carter trying to step into Elizabeth's place. He watched Keller struggling with loss and guilt. He watched Ronon trying to cheer up an inconsolable Teyla. He watched Rodney... he watched Rodney.

And every night he watched him die.

Nothing here felt as real as that moment before he woke up. And when he stood in the central tower of Atlantis, watching the control room above the gate room buzzing with energy, it was as if he wasn't part of it at all.

He could see it when he closed his eyes. His unconscious form lying in the infirmary, Keller without any explanation. Everyone wondering why he wouldn't wake up.

He knew the entity had left him. That wasn't the reason.

Any moment, he expected Teyla to enter, frantically telling him that this was just a dream, that he had to wake up now and come back to them. She'd plead with him or maybe they'd send Ronon.

Not Rodney though.

_He's dead._

Sometimes after John woke up, he broke into Rodney's room just to look at him and hear him breathe. It brought John nearly to his knees with relief. Even if he didn't believe it was real.

So he went on with this life. He didn't tell anyone, didn't ask anyone. And he thought with trepidation of the moment when Teyla or Ronon would come to get him out of here.

He didn't think he'd be strong enough not to say, "I know and I don't care."


End file.
